SCOMBROID SHIT

le 8 juillet 2008

12:47 / Marikina, Philippines

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Again, for the second time, I was hospitalized again because of a big fish trouble. Good thing I was able to recognize right away the symptoms. It felt really familiar and I warned the people left at home NOT to eat that wretched fish.

Scombroid poisoning, this is the second time I had such affliction. I remember last year, I had to walk alone to Makati Med. This year, I still walked but I was with Monette.

The way to the ER is a labyrinth. And they won’t readily get to you unless you’re bleeding profusely.

Oh well, can’t blog anymore. I have to rest.

I hate fish.

xoxo

Bry Dee

WIN SOME/LOSE SOME

le 15 juin 2008

15:15 / Marikina, Philippines

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Oh my, look at the time. 15:15 and today is June 15. lolz No more tears!!! ^_^

Yesterday, I went to my beloved UP Diliman and met my good friend Ikle again. We had a lot of fun! We had a “photoshoot” and went back to our old habit of chitchatting for hours while eating fish balls and drinking C2 in the perimeter of Sunken Garden.

Anyway, I have lost my Fendi scarf!!! I LOST MY SCARF!!! It was absentmindedly lying on the top of the paper bag I brought yesterday and it was a bit windy. Maybe it flew onto the world beyond when we were headed to the main library. Oh well. LIFE GOES ON!!!

The “photoshoot” was a blast! There were just the two of us, as usual, and we have to improvise and be very resourceful considering that we just used my 2mp camera phone. Here are some of the images:

Gucci

Fendi

Louis Vuitton

Gucci again

Louis Vuitton again

Gucci one last time

It was a good thing that that spot outside the library has the most perfect lighting et al (yeah right, as if I know stuff like these!) but nevertheless we had a lot of fun!!!

Anyway, I really missed being back in the university. And so, I’ve decided to enroll again the following semester. Yep, I’m taking up non-deg units from PolSci because I’m now planning to take up masters next school year!!! Yep! I’ve already decided on this, Master in International Studies.

First, I feel that my mind hasn’t been utilized the way it was very much utilized when I was still in school. I mean, yep, at work, my French is used BUT I want to learn other things aside from the languages I got. Second, I want to increase my marketability lolz. Lastly, my parents were not able to attend any of my graduation, ever! From elementary to secondary to college graduation, NONE! So I’m going to give my last shot and finish grad school. It’s never too late, n’est-ce pas?

Anyway, fine day Sunday and I woke up very late. It’s Father’s Day and a few minutes back whil writing this entry, Kuya and I called Papa and greeted him a Happy Father’s Day!!!

Back to work tomorrow, and somehow, I don’t dread it. Maybe because I love what I’m doing now? Hmmm… maybe, but to be honest, I’m enjoying my stay there.

xoxo

Bry Dee

TIRING BUT HAPPY BUT STRESSFUL BUT STILL I DON’T KNOW

le 8 juin 2008

22:36 / Marikina, Philippines

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I’m so tired. Not emotionally, duh. Just came home from the most uneventful and boring and fucked up outing ever. The Thomson Reuters’ summer outing is shitty. Real shitty. The only part I enjoyed was when I entered my hotel room and immediately hit the showers to rub off the grime and dirt accumulated in every part of my body because of that Grande Island(?) whatever we have had earlier.

In short. Outing sucks.

Hate the food. Hate the people. Hate the shit. lolz But I loved being with YL and Faye and Annie and Francis. Laugh trip is all you need during a shitty trip.

Anyway, I would not come off writing just about shitty stuff. lolz Dunno. My mind is still a bit unorganized.

Oh wait. I don’t know if this would be the last in my litany of shitty stuff, as it’s a bit uncategorized and I’m still dumbfounded by this errrr… dunno what to call it. Few minutes back, I got this message from my ex:

“ei muzta n bry, npanuod q ulit vid gnwa mu 4 me..” (trans. = hey! what’s up bry? I just watched again that video you made for me)

Hey, don’t raise your eyebrow on me. That is the way my ex writes his text messages. It has nothing to do with me. Anyway, that video he’s referring to is the video I made for him during our first monthsary; complete with voice-over, montage, music mix (of songs that were important to us… or more appropriately very important to me, dunno) and multitude of pictures from past until at-that-time-present events. I called that video love-made (yes it was), and I surprised him together with a (framed) vectorized version of his picture.

To be honest (while typing this), I feel a ’slight’ tingle reminiscing those events. Am I hurt? On the verge of tears? Maybe yes, maybe no. I don’t completely know. I just can’t help think about what EXACTLY he’s thinking right now upon watching that video again, that video spoke/speaks (I DON’T KNOW WHAT TENSE-SHIT SHOULD I BE USING OKAY?!) of my feelings, really truthful and straight from the fucking heart. And WHY should he be informing me this? I should not be over-analyzing right? No, sorry if I can’t be helped that I’m not dimwitted.

What the hell do you want my-ex? It hurt(s) me a lot, thanks to the fact that you lied to me about shit. The dishonesty and losing the balls pissed me off. That is so un-”masculine”. I may be this gay but at least I stand up to my words. I don’t know but I can’t honestly say stop bothering me. A part of me is still waiting for that happy-ray-of-sunshine for things to be better BUT my insides cringe upon the prospect of another depressive episode. That is so uncool.

I don’t know, but all I know is that I’m a BETTER person now. I’ve had my share of dramatic episodes as well and I hope that this coming 14th and 15th would be a Will-thoughts-free-day for me. I look forward to the day that I’m gonna be tear-free and I can visit Trinoma again after SEVERAL months and see the mall without any Will-related thoughts because that place reeks Will-related memories in every corner!!! And also when would be the time that I could listen to songs that I used to love, and attached every melody to you, and after the break-up, erased them from my iPod and laptop because they were fucking uncool and tear-jerking.

Last night, when I was alone in my room in Legenda Hotel, Subic, I suddenly thought of what-if shit. I know that I miss him but it’s not really worth the pain. I also dread/despise/fear,loathe the beach because it reminds me of that time last November 2007 when I spent a couple of days in Zambales and the island of Anawangin with my pep friends AND WE WERE STILL A HAPPY COUPLE. I also cringe at the memory of writing your name in the sand at taking pictures to show him. Ugggh!!! And yeah, my friends requesting the band playing in a Riverpark bar to play THAT song you dearly love so I can take a video and show it to you. THOSE WERE really painful things, and traumatic and unforgiving.

I just don’t like it when memories and hopes of us getting back together again would flood my mind BECAUSE I’m 100% sure that would (see? I still refuse to use the ‘future’ conjugation of that auxiliary verb which is equal to your name?) NEVER happen. I don’t want to be dramatic or the official “emblem” of the hopeless romantic but it’d be much better if ideas like that won’t be entertained. Please, stop telling me THESE things as they are not doing anything good. And talk to me if ever you have news that you think I would love to hear. But as of the moment, DECIDE.

Looking back, it sucks that I was very forgiving and lovable and trustworthy and whatever BUT I still don’t regret being like that. Dunno. Maybe because it really showed that I’m not so bad after all. But to be honest, I ‘might’ be back to my old self now. You know, the ketchup-tossing, fish-sauce-spilling, jeepney-seat-wrecking etc bitch who won’t get down without a fight. Yep, LE BRY.

I hope I still have control. I hope. But I’ve been fighting and struggling and slowly winning over this shitty feeling and there’ll be no turning back.

I am a fighter. I ain’t gonna stop. There is no turning back. I’ve had enough.

I don’t believe in lovers being friends after a relationship. Who’d be this fucking bastard/bitch who wants to hear the next sore person your ex is sleeping with? Count me out. Just the thought of it makes me sick and is unbearable so let’s just cut all the lines of communication. Okay, I agreed at first with this arrangement you would love to have BUT it definitely won’t work EVER.

In time when I’m fully reformed physically and, yeah, emotionally, I’d be back to be part again of the lives of all the people I chose to take the time off. It pains me whatever they might be thinking about/against me and my downfall is a guy from another squad. I should have listened to my dear friend Pio. But let’s not cry over spilled milk. I’ll be back. Not now. But it won’t be long enough.

And to my dear ex Will. Make up your mind, s’il te plait?

This is so not fierce.

Tomorrow, June 9, is a public holiday but I’d be working because I don’t want to miss out on my workout (should the holiday fall in a Tuesday or Wednesday, chances are I’m not working overtime lolz). Or maybe, working OT means additional pay during payday and I really need to save up. Investing in something worthwhile is my goal and my nephew is starting out in school next Monday.

xoxo

Bry Dee

PEP-PY DAY, JEEZ!

le 27 mai 2008

16:25 / Makati, Philippines

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So far the day isn’t fucked up at all, except for the fact that my hanky literally flew from my hands to the railway in LRT2 Katipunan because I was frantically fanning my face (imagine the faces of the people around me who saw what happened, priceless hahaha I just give them a metallic snigger) and I’m running out of resources and payday is still a day away (I was forced to get 500 pesos from my savings, and it broke my heart because I promised not to touch it!).

But then again, as promised, I’m going to save up AFTER I get my wallet. Yehey! I’m gonna get a wallet, but not one but two! Okay, the first is a vintage monogram European checkbook and card holder (date code is 884AN - made in France April 1988, how cool is that?! I was just 3 years old at that time! It must have patina-ed like hell!) and the other one is a red Goyard pouch perfect for coins and/or my cellphone. I’m already sure that I’m gonna get the LV but still doubtful for the Goyard.

This is really the last time I’m gonna buy such things. PROMISE! I really, really promise (heard that Bryan Damasco? A promise is a promise! hahaha)

Anyway, I woke up quite earlier today because of all the hammering and tattering in our house. I went online and got an IM from Pio. He was the captain of our squad last year (and last year we got the crown back, Yay!) and a very close straight friend of mine. Since I dissociated myself from pep, he’s one of the few people to whome I’ve told this plan with. I was touched when he said earlier: “Musta ka na? Miss na miss na kita SOBRA!” (How are you? I really miss you a lot!) That is one of the coolest things I heard (or read) today. Though I’m not really keen to hear news about the squad et al, I can’t help but listen to his stories.

He asked me if I miss pep, I replied “I miss UP Pep Squad a lot!” which was an understatement, I miss pep so much that I’m aching inside hahaha I love pep, no doubt about it, but few more weeks/months/whatever, I’ll be back.

Then while we were talking, I received a text message from Coach Lala (she usually send messages to alumni as well if there are important things/events that might/would interest us hahaha). It was about rehearsals for the UAAP Opening (which, I assume, would be this July) as UP is the host this year. Jeez, I WOULD HAVE LOVED to be a part of this one, but rehearsals would be every night, and I work until 12am. Fat chance. Hahaha

But the thing is I still don’t know if I’ll be watching the opening. I just hope I’d be ready by that time.

And some members would be flying to JAPAN this Thursday!!! NOW I’M ENVIOUS!!! Wahahaha I still wish all the best for them as they totally rock, no doubt about it. Love them to pieces.

Anyway, I know everything would be fine. I can feel it. It might be gradual but I’m sure when that time comes, I’ll feel merveilleux. J’en suis sûr!

I already started saving, I finally got my bank account back (I just gave the money to Mama so that I’d no longer be going to the bank and no more ATMs).

xoxo

Bry Dee

FINALLY!!! POWERBOOKS AND GRADUATION!!!

le 10 mai 2008

13:56 / Marikina, Philippines

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I wasn’t able to blog yesterday and the other day because I was dead tired!

I only worked until 7pm last Thursday because I filed half-day leave for I have to “rest”. The following day was Ate’s graduation and I still have to arrange what Mama’s going to wear. But after leaving the office (it was raining hard!!!), I went to Greenbelt and did my usual routine when I was still working for Yellowasp: loiter in Powerbooks!

Yay! I LOOOOOOOVE Powerbooks!

I read lots of books, but on second thought, I just usually scan the pages and look at the illustrations. One particular book caught my attention:

Believe me, this is the best!!!

I really love how they define handbags:

It is interesting that handbags are correlated on how women rose to power and status, making them the emblem of how they stand in the society. Also, some bags rose to iconic status especially because of the women carrying them, like, CD’s Lady Dior after Princess Diana was seen carrying the black alligator-skin bag:

And of course, Hermès’ Kelly bag:

Oh well, still I love to have an LV!!! But chances are I won’t be having one before the month ends because of unexpected expenses. Whew! I WANT TO HAVE ONE!!!

Oh well (again), here’s a pic of the LV ads they have in Greenbelt:

Yesterday, it was Ate’s graduation. And believe me, it was very difficult to get up early! We have to be in World Trade Center, Pasay City by 7am!!! That was really crazy!!!

Here’s my sister with the green vintage Gucci bag I bought before:

Here’s Mama with the black Gucci bag I gave her two days ago:

Mama and I:

Kuya and our nephew JB (they have to wait outside because children are not allowed inside the hall):

After the long wait, mother and son reunited:

Then we went to Sta. Clara in Katipunan to say our prayers because, finally, the three of us finished our studies. It’s one important thing we can give to our parents, especially tomorrow is Mother’s Day:

That’s it, I have nothing else to write. Oh, I’m thinking if I’ll renew my gym membership because I have conflicting thoughts in my head. Qu’est-ce que je dois faire?

It’s scorchingly hot here in Manila, but typhoons are now swarming in Mindanao. What the f is wrong with the weather?!

So, everybody, GET UP AND BE ENVIRONMENT-FRIENDLY OKAY!?!?!

xoxo

Bry Dee