Bry Dee - life in mixed color and eccentricity

le 15 mai 2008

01:11 / Marikina, Philippines

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Okay, I barely noticed when the clock struck twelve then poof!, it’s already the 15th.

15. The shitty number, devil’s number. Whoever said 13 is the unlucky one must be kidding me big time.

On my way home, I was thinking a lot. Yep, more than the usual thinking. I played songs in my head. Then I tried remembering numbers. Then I try not to remember them. This is weird, really weird even for me. Then I tried concentrating in Con Te Partiro:

Con te partiro, paesi che non ho mai

Venuto, vissuto con te, adesso si li vivro

I love Italian shit. It gives me this certain feeling of aristocracy. At least I won’t have to deal with common people with mediocre cerebral capacity and totally impaired in terms of language. Or am I just trying to justify things, how better off I am today?

Clearly, that is out of question, still look at me blabbing about what-not’s when in fact, I really want to throw china to the wall. No idea why. I just feel kind of raged.

Then I heard this song again:

All good things

I wish you

All good things

Come to an end

All good things

And I wish you well

No. The hell to this song. Yes, I’ve used the same song in my multiply blog to commemorate a certain event in my life. I had thought it was pivotal but it was just the tip of the iceberg. I could have let pass that first incident because the person in question has neurons, but for the second time, uh-uh, I allowed a total twerp. I’m not being bitter. I mean, I have given that person the biggest benefit of the doubt. But for what it’s worth?

Now look at me, still dissociated with my beloved world. And the fact that my toned is still like this indicates that it’s not YET time. Few more weeks. Or months. Or years.

I just can’t understand why am I always on the losing end? Am I physically challenged? Or let me answer that. I AM PHYSICALLY CHALLENGED. Add emotionally to that. I’ve got lots of fucking issues about myself to deal with. And unless I’m able to FULLY tackle all of them, I might be stuck here forever.

I’m not back in square one. Believe me. And it was very much attributed to my dissociation. Ignorance is bliss. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or… just ignorance is bliss, I like it more that way.

Now, I’m thinking if I should cry. Should I? Then behold the images of me being laughed at by people because I looked like a fool in front of the world, no. I AM just what’s left of me. Take it away from myself and no shitty person would give a fuck. I’m better off this way.

Like what I said weeks ago, the moment it started, it was bound to end. Same with ANYTHING that might happen to me in the future, or with any person, it would eventually fall apart.

I just hope I’m filthy rich than I can do whatever I want with my money. I can go on a shopping spree and buy whatever luxury stuff I can. BUT I’M NOT. Maybe that is one reason I might not be the best. He’s just being practical. What he’s gonna do with me? People like them seek status more than anything else, can’t blame them for they are challenged in whatever shitty aspect I could think of. Should I settle with that? Of course not, call it elitism but my pants would no longer drop for substandard people. What the hell is happening to me? Don’t really know. But I’ve noticed that from your lot, you people always remember when you need something. Call it modernd-day, bipedal-hominid parasitism.

Do I wish you well? I’m not totally sure. You know why? Because I was very open and honest about the shitty thing called my life but look what I got in return. I deserve better. I’m so sorry for the harsh things I’ve written here. Still…

… it can’t change the fact that I still love you.

But drift away, go far or even die. I don’t know if I’d care. I’ll never know until it’ll happen. So it means I don’t wish you well. Now, what should I do. Put things back to tabula rasa. Rewind things until October 6, after I bought this laptop and my cellphone, I shouldn’t have gone to that party and not have you coming up to me and did a small talk. Regrets? No idea. All I know is that I don’t fucking deserve this.

I need another Louis.

xoxo

Bry Dee

le 14 mai 2008

02:11 / Marikina, Philippines

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I’m so lucky to be part of the best team Thomson Reuters could ever have in our group!!! Hahaha

Unexpectedly, (well at least for Faye and I) we were part of the best team for the month of March. How cool is that? The cooler part is there’s cash incentive WHICH made it possible for me to have this:

Oh my gosh!!! This is it!!!

I said to myself that I won’t let the month of May pass without having “something”:

Presenting, my first LV : the Saumur!!!

Yay! What I love most about this is the fact that I CAN FREAKIN’ USE IT!!!

The best part (still) is that I got it at a very acceptable price, it’s quasi vintage yet functional and still in the fiercest condition there is. Hahaha Love the date code, love the heat stamp, love the fact that it’s authentic!!!

I finally have an LV! I finally have an LV! I FINALLY HAVE AN LV!!!

Who needs a boyfriend when you got your Louis with you?

I’m thinking of buying that Tod’s wallet. It’s brand-new, complete with the box, dust bag and everything BUT I believe I’m getting way overboard and spending a lot… not practical given the present economic condition. Mama even told me off (not exactly off) and reminded me that I should save up. I have “savings”… or should I really stop spending much now (much being the operative word)…

…

…

…

WHATEVER! Hahahaha

But seriously, I MIGHT pass up on this for the meantime.

LV is LVOE!!!

I should be freakin’ happy today, the 14th, and NOTHING’S GONNA BRING ME DOWN. DAMN!!!

And update before I sleep, just finished watching episode 17 of Gossip Girl (Woman on the Verge) and how I wish I have friends like them! Blair still is my most favorite. True friend but worst enemy, beat that! Cat fight next week in the season finale! Woohoo!!! Gossip Girl is LVOE!!!

xoxo

Bry Dee

le 10 mai 2008

13:56 / Marikina, Philippines

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I wasn’t able to blog yesterday and the other day because I was dead tired!

I only worked until 7pm last Thursday because I filed half-day leave for I have to “rest”. The following day was Ate’s graduation and I still have to arrange what Mama’s going to wear. But after leaving the office (it was raining hard!!!), I went to Greenbelt and did my usual routine when I was still working for Yellowasp: loiter in Powerbooks!

Yay! I LOOOOOOOVE Powerbooks!

I read lots of books, but on second thought, I just usually scan the pages and look at the illustrations. One particular book caught my attention:

Believe me, this is the best!!!

I really love how they define handbags:

It is interesting that handbags are correlated on how women rose to power and status, making them the emblem of how they stand in the society. Also, some bags rose to iconic status especially because of the women carrying them, like, CD’s Lady Dior after Princess Diana was seen carrying the black alligator-skin bag:

And of course, Hermès’ Kelly bag:

Oh well, still I love to have an LV!!! But chances are I won’t be having one before the month ends because of unexpected expenses. Whew! I WANT TO HAVE ONE!!!

Oh well (again), here’s a pic of the LV ads they have in Greenbelt:

Yesterday, it was Ate’s graduation. And believe me, it was very difficult to get up early! We have to be in World Trade Center, Pasay City by 7am!!! That was really crazy!!!

Here’s my sister with the green vintage Gucci bag I bought before:

Here’s Mama with the black Gucci bag I gave her two days ago:

Mama and I:

Kuya and our nephew JB (they have to wait outside because children are not allowed inside the hall):

After the long wait, mother and son reunited:

Then we went to Sta. Clara in Katipunan to say our prayers because, finally, the three of us finished our studies. It’s one important thing we can give to our parents, especially tomorrow is Mother’s Day:

That’s it, I have nothing else to write. Oh, I’m thinking if I’ll renew my gym membership because I have conflicting thoughts in my head. Qu’est-ce que je dois faire?

It’s scorchingly hot here in Manila, but typhoons are now swarming in Mindanao. What the f is wrong with the weather?!

So, everybody, GET UP AND BE ENVIRONMENT-FRIENDLY OKAY!?!?!

xoxo

Bry Dee

le 8 mai 2008

02:09 / Marikina, Philippines

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I’ve just finished watching episode 16 of Gossip Girl (All about my brother), and boy I love this episode. I was kind of reminded of how I came out to my mom and I can vividly remember all of the details. But believe me, it was one of the best and most unforgettable thing ever in my life. I was touched by the conversation between Lily and Eric, and yeah, also Serena and Eric.

And yeah, also about Jenny Humphrey, how social climbing won’t get you anywhere. I’m also reminded of this officemate who is the greatest social climber ever thinking that she’s Serena but no, girl you’re little J!!!

Jenny has already waved the white flag, and B won. Hahaha Isn’t this ominous???

Woohoo I love Blair to pieces! I love Gossip Girl!

And you social climbing bitch, it won’t be long until you’re down the drain.

xoxo

Bry Dee

le 7 mai 2008

17:55 / Makati, Philippines

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I WANT AN LV!!!

I WANT AN LV!!!

I FUCKING WANT AN LV!!!

Of course, at this point in my life that I’m starting to establish myself as a member of the workforce, I still have yet to put my money on more useful things. Also, heller, family first.

Still, I want my LV! Even just a fucking coin purse. Hahaha Just kidding. I just want one.

And before the month ends…

I’LL HAVE ONE!!!

xoxo

Bry Dee

le 7 mai 2008

02:12 / Marikina, Philippines

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If this isn’t great, now, I don’t know the exact word!!!

The impulsive-buying bug bit me (hard) and voilà:

GUCCI is LOVE!!! lolz

I really love this particular bag because I think it’s perfect for Mama.

And to my sister who’s gonna graduate this Friday, congrats my Ate!

Love you so much ladies and Happy Mother’s Day!

xoxo

Bry Dee

le 4 mai 2008

15:20 / Marikina, Philippines

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Before I turn this laptop off, I tried googling my name with ” “. To my surprise, these were the results:

First of all, I don’t know if I should be happy or who-knows-what with what I just saw, but definitely I’m not close to tears.
Second, let me set the record straight. You have this slight confusion with your Tagalog possessives. Yep, thanks to me and my effing patience, but it is NOT your print ad. Take yourself back to the time that this one is on the rough and honestly assess whatever it is that you did to contribute. If you want to give proper credit, tell it to your prof.
Third, super defense??? I remember you not being to enthusiastic defending this shit I made and you even herald you regret not winning the grand prize? Very likely. A real super defense should compliment the impeccable work I did. So do the math why it got just the second best.
Lastly, I don’t hate you still but at least try to be more careful.

What the fuck I’m talking about. Just blabbing before I sleep.

And I forgot to blog about how I bitch slapped my social climbing office mate. I fucking hate her like hell. I’ve tried to subdue my dark side for the past months, but thanks to you. The bitch is back.

xoxo

Bry Dee

le 3 mai 2008

11:44 / Marikina, Philippines

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We went swimming earlier today!!!

It was very nice seeing my classmates again! And the best part of all is we’re all done with college! Goodbye our beloved UP!!! It was nice learning those languages with you!!!

I went to Club Manila East (is this right?) with Shiela, Khael, Love, Kath and Kara and I was laughing almost the whole day! Though there were moments that they would naturally torment me with questions regarding my recent past but I’m proud to say that I did not even got lonely. Yep, maybe this is a good sign. I’m too happy being with these girls than think of whatever things that can lead me to despair! Hahaha

I don’t have lots of pictures with me because I did not bother, so I guess I’ll be “borrowing” some from my friends in my next posts! Hahaha

I’m so proud of myself as I was able to evade the scorching sun and kudos the the clouds as it rained around 4pm! Yay!

We had dinner in Shakey’s in Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall and I was very hungry!!! (Or we were all hungry!!!) We finished everything served to us as we were dead famished but nevertheless, I had fun sharing stories again with them over dinner.

Thank you so much girls for the day!

Anyway, I was finally able to take a picture of the vintage coated canvas Gucci clutch I inherited from Mama (I found out it was a Gucci plus clutch bag):

(Note: the image has been flipped horizontally)

What a long day!

xoxo
Bry Dee

le 1 mai 2008

11:35 / Marikina, Philippines

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Just saw that movie One More Chance in my laptop. I got the copy in one of the share drives in the office (I took several movies) and finally found time to watch it.

I’m thinking that maybe I’ll have my chance few months for now, but that is wishful thinking. The two of them shared something good, and they both love each other. As for me, I can infer that it was just me who felt that way, as apparently, that person was just there for the ride. I don’t really know the real reason why he wanted the two of us to be together.

But I’m getting used to this… or I don’t know. I just hate lots of scenes in the movie. It reminded me of the times that I’ve shared with this person. It feels ridiculous reliving those moments (until now). Should I be singing Mandy Moore’s All Good Things again? Should I always be in the losing end?

I really hate this feeling, but I know that things are far more better than before. Now, I can freely discuss the shit that happened to me before without being close to tears; but I still don’t want to constantly feel the pangs of longing. This shut must go. I still love you but I don’t want anyone to hurt me again. And in doing so, I’m not letting anyone near my life again, though several might have attempted to do such. I don’t know why I’ve shunned them, maybe because I’m trying to build this silk cocoon to evade distraction during this phase or I’m trying to make way for whatever butterfly coming back to my life.

Still, I’m happy that things are still going my way I have the best family who never got tired of supporting and reminding me how wonderful I am. I’m so lucky that I was accepted of what I really am and what I love to do. This is a jewel encrusted in my treasure chest that nobody can take away.

Still, I miss and love you. But you and me is very impossible. I’ll just wait for this feeling to go as I don’t want to feel this way again because, believe me, this is the worst feeling in the world.

xoxo

Bry Dee

I regret going to the university grad earlier, that was the worst thing I did for the past months!!!

I should have trusted my instincts that I’m better off staying at home, than hear, and see, and talk to the people I don’t want to associate myself with…

I’m better off dead. Really. Just kill me.

I want to die.

My life is fucked up.

I’m fucked up.

And this world can survive without me.

I’m just a waste.